Santa Has Equity Issues. Here's How Parents Can Help.

Bonnie Jean Feldkamp
Thu, 18 Dec 2025 21:00:00 -0800
Opinion

The holiday season is a generous one. More than half of U.S. adults report donating or having plans to make charitable donations by the end of this year, according to the Charities Aid Foundation. Times are hard, no doubt. But as we give to help our neighbors in need, let's remember that the actions inside our home also ripple out and affect others.

I'm talking about Santa Claus. Anyone who has read the book or watched the movie "The Polar Express" knows how the character Billy doubts the magic of Christmas because his family struggles with poverty.

In a home where meeting basic needs is a daily challenge, Santa Claus is another unnecessary hardship. Meanwhile, kids see classmates get everything they wished for while they go without.
Updated: Fri Dec 19, 2025

The holiday season is a generous one. More than half of U.S. adults report donating or having plans to make charitable donations by the end of this year, according to the Charities Aid Foundation. Times are hard, no doubt. But as we give to help our neighbors in need, let's remember that the actions inside our home also ripple out and affect others.

I'm talking about Santa Claus. Anyone who has read the book or watched the movie "The Polar Express" knows how the character Billy doubts the magic of Christmas because his family struggles with poverty.

In a home where meeting basic needs is a daily challenge, Santa Claus is another unnecessary hardship. Meanwhile, kids see classmates get everything they wished for while they go without.

Not everyone's holiday manifests abundance. And to the child whose holiday is a modest one, gift disparities lead to questions about fairness and self-worth. Seeing Santa favor certain kids can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

When my daughter was in the first grade, I was a single mom. We lived in a small one-bedroom apartment. We were not impoverished, but the budget was tight. When she opened her Christmas gift, she declared that Santa must be real because she knew I couldn't afford certain gifts. At 6 years old she had no way of knowing that her mom planned and saved to grant her Christmas wishes.

It was then that I decided Santa shouldn't get credit for the big gifts. A few years later, I remarried and had a son. My husband and I decided that we would keep expectations of Santa in check, not just for the benefit of our son but for the other children in his mix. We let our son know that special gifts came from Mom and Dad. Santa got to leave something small. He has a lot to carry in his sack, after all.

Kids may not understand budgeting for Christmas magic, but they do understand when kids at day care and school have all their material dreams come true while they do not. If we let them believe that all that Christmas magic came from Santa, does it mean they were somehow not as worthy? Were they on that proverbial naughty list? Why should Santa be so punitive?

It's easier for a child to understand that a friend's parents could afford the latest gaming system or fancy Lego set. But if those things came from Santa, then a child is left to feel somehow lesser-than in Santa's eyes. Santa should not be another reason a child feels "othered."

I don't want my child to feel that, nor do I want to be the source of that pain for another family.

This year while you're wrapping presents for your kids, take credit for the big stuff. Santa magic can still happen in smaller gifts. It's not worth the heartache.

While you're at it, maybe buy one less toy, take your child shopping for someone in need and let them experience being that Christmas miracle another child greatly needs.