Too Many Apologies

Doug Mayberry
Sun, 16 Feb 2020 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Q: Recently, a friend told me that I can be awfully negative. Apparently, I'm always apologizing for small things — to the point where it puts people off.

I was shocked. We've known each other a long time, and I know that she has my best interests at heart, but it still stung. I've always tried to be conscientious about other people and their time and boundaries, and I thought that apologizing for things is just polite.

What am I doing wrong?
Updated: Mon Feb 17, 2020

Q: Recently, a friend told me that I can be awfully negative. Apparently, I'm always apologizing for small things — to the point where it puts people off.

I was shocked. We've known each other a long time, and I know that she has my best interests at heart, but it still stung. I've always tried to be conscientious about other people and their time and boundaries, and I thought that apologizing for things is just polite.

What am I doing wrong?

A: Communication is hard. It's hard to be aware without a wake-up call.

If you're struggling to come off as positive, rethink the way you phrase things. Instead of apologizing for yourself, consider thanking other people for their time and consideration. When your actions affect others, many people prefer to feel appreciated instead of inconvenienced.

While they might seem polite, excess apologies can grate on people. This behavior tends toward the egocentric, as you're obsessing about what you're doing and why. If you comment on their generosity instead, they will feel more acknowledged.

Sometimes the smallest things make a huge difference. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

INVESTMENT STRATEGIES

Q: I'm a retiree who's never much liked to follow other people's advice or conventional wisdom. That worked out well for me in my career, as I was good at finding new opportunities.

On the other hand, I know nothing more than the basics of investing money. I don't trust stockbrokers much, because I know that they have their own hand in the pot and see me as a source of revenue. I also like to do my own thinking, which isn't what most stockbrokers are looking for.

Some of my family and friends have called this attitude shortsighted and stubborn.

I've invested a lot of my money in only a few large companies that pay good dividends. Some of these stocks have gone up in value, but others have been less successful. I feel like I could be getting more income.

Should I rethink my attitude toward investing?

A: There's no right or wrong answer on this. It all depends on your current situation and your financial goals.

Although it's hard to find someone you feel you trust, a financial advisor or stockbroker is more knowledgeable about the ins and outs of investment. You could learn things from one that will help you meet your goals.

If you're interested in switching strategies, you can shop around to see different ways to invest your money. Ultimately, the decision is always yours.

Nobody can perfectly predict the future. To some degree, your predictions are as good as anyone else's.

Keep in mind that election years generally result in some stock market volatility. One good way to hedge your bets is to spread your investments out into several smaller investments. Then it's not a disaster if one of your companies has a rough year or quarter.

The bottom line is that you want to keep ahead of inflation. When you keep your excess cash in a savings account, you lose a few percent of its value every year. As the dollar depreciates, basic items go up in price. Look at any old receipts you have to see how much has changed over the decades!

Instead, you want to find a way to retain or grow your assets' value.

Keeping an open mind will allow you to look for new opportunities. — Doug